life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, April 6, 2018

Confessions of a Closet Hoarder.....part 1

My son says I am a borderline hoarder…actually, I may be more like a full on hoarder…I am just really really good at stuffing things away (aka hiding my addiction).  So now I think it is time to get rid of stuff, or at the very least try to figure why the hell I have so much of it!  The easy answer is “ I am a baby boomer” from a family of 5…nothing was thrown away and everything was passed down,  Hanging on to things because I might need them later….then there is also the artist "collect everything" thing …so I have a double dose of potential hoarding characteristics.  The other excuse that I will offer, is I have been in the same small house for over 40 years and I have got stuff to prove it! 
I began taking a class on this online…I finally decided I needed some help, I mean if I was going to simplify, organize, clean the house by myself, I would have done it a long time ago….clearly, I need help!!! The class is full of empathy for us unorganized self-proclaimed hoarders, and it feels like it is as much emotional help as anything else.  She is using a bit of the "Swedish Death Cleaning" Technique. Yes, there really is a book and an official system approach to this...Who Knew!!  It is the process of organizing and de-cluttering your belongings before you.... well, die. But it's as much for you as it is for the people who come after you. For you, death cleaning can be the motivation to live with less, by considering how much I have and do not use ... It really is time for me to simplify and make life as easy as I can!  So today I went through the hall closet...I could barely close the door after putting the vacuum cleaner away.  Please note it is still full…but not as much, and I can close the door without having to get a running start to push it shut. I filled bags for the charity pickup truck on Monday of clothes I have had for years. Clothes that were given to me by a cherished friend that died, things I wore on my trip to Italy with Mother 10 years ago, the outfit I wore to my son's first wedding, both of them.  I suspect this might be a really tacky place to note that they are both on their second marriages  Everything had an emotional attachment.  So, I have had some great memories today, I have laughed and I have cried and I have let go.  On some level, it does feel good.  On another level I know there is so much more to do….stay tuned…
"Closer to Fine"  Indigo Girls

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