life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, April 9, 2018

Badass Super Power!

Too sensitive...I have been accused of this all of my life!  As the only female in a house full of men and boys, every time I had a “moment” I was summarily dismissed as the “hysterical female”. God forbid I display any emotion or sensitivity at all….however their burbs, farts, and door slammings were absolutely celebrated!  The message I heard was I was unreasonable for being offended by rudeness.  The same thing happened just about every time I have had a legitimate problem with an art business when there was a problem, they automatically became defensive and I and my legitimate problem was quickly dismissed as coming from the “egotistical unreasonable artist”.  I mean how dare I question a gallery about the whereabouts of a piece of my work or payment for it…either would be fine with me. There was a contract in effect. The underlying message I heard was If  I wanted them to continue representing me and selling my work, I should stop asking questions.  I have been ignoring, throttling and holding back my hurts and feelings my entire life just to have others not have an excuse to dismiss me or my needs as too sensitive.  I am just now realizing this could be my bad ass superpower….Now…I will be brave enough…even if it makes people uncomfortable!
"Light On" Mark Ballas

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