life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, January 8, 2018

...that you cannot see!

“How are you feeling?” and “You look great.”  I get this question and “self” answer on a regular basis!
I saw a quote somewhere that said, “Health is a crown that the healthy wear, but only the sick can see.” It is such a simple quote, but it is the best way for me to describe how I feel when I hear the question.... and the answer…

When I get asked this there are only two answers: “fine” and “yes.” Fine and yes, fine and yes… catching on? These two answers are all I will ever give even when they are 95 percent of the time not true. The truth is, I don’t know if I am feeling better. But…if I try to describe to you how I am feeling you probably won’t understand because I “don’t look sick.” Even if you don’t say those words to me, I see it in your eyes and I see how uncomfortable the pain that you cannot see.... makes you feel.
"Bruised, Not Broken"  Joss Stone
fearless:  my book came...and I am recognizing my fear...so today I keep painting and drawing and it does not matter if anyone likes it, or that I think I will be judged ....just doing it!

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