life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Climbing in the Front Seat......


Holy Crap! SYNCHRONICITY! 
I flipped the calendar page on my refrigerator to write down another doctor appointment and this is the page.

Totally appropriate…..before I have even seen this surgeon, we do not even know if this is possible yet, but their office called the insurance company to confirm coverage and the insurance company is already throwing a “flag on the play” with a litany of reasons why this procedure is outside the realm of normal and typical medical treatment. Well…DUH! I was totally polite; in the face of total absurdity (you would have been proud). I did however have a world class melt down after I hung up, then realized, I just let somebody I do not even know have that much control over my life.
The only thing I get to control is how I feel about my own life. I am not letting them take that from me!

Some things maybe out of my hands, but I am in the front seat, I can always throw my hands in the air and enjoy the ride! I choose!
"It's Just a Ride"   Jem

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