life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, June 8, 2015

I am on it!

After a long time….and I am way to embarrassed to say how long, I headed back to the gym this morning  (Planet Fitness) and I am holding them to this “judgment free” thing!  The new med cocktail and assorted other tweeks and I am feeling better than I have in a while, but with the new cocktail, also comes the heinous side effects. For me the trade off is...less pain, more energy but miserable debilitating depression. Exercise is the only thing that helps, (unless I want to do more meds...WRONG!) but OMG it is so hard to get started again. A week ago I began with walking, now adding strength training at the gym and I am feeling so much better.  I will be ready to sing through the ICD implant surgery and recovery! My best medicine is coaxing those elusive endorphins into my system with exercise and movement.  It is my best solution..I am on it!
"Morning Girl"   Neon Philharmonic          

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