Fearlessly Authentic

For a good part of my life, I really felt like my superpower (most of the time) was my ability to assess and control my reactions to a bad or a good situation.  I carefully began to realize that the only thing in life, I had any kind of power over is how I feel about something. For a control freak, this is a big deal! Most of the time this fell into the “picking my battles” or simply eliminating the source of frustration from my “emotional plate”.  But this is really the first time I have not been able to do that! How does one rationalize the ridiculous nonsense, like I am terribly lonesome, but I do not want to be around people? How much  I want to claim my self-confidence back but I am now realizing how much of that was because I always had him to back me up, even when I was wrong. I set deadlines for myself “to be over it”, they come and go and still I am not over it. These feelings are frustrating and uncontrollable. I have lost my superpower. It is not pretty or comfortable.  What I am left with is incredibly vulnerable and absolutely no control over how I feel about anything. The only thing I can hang on to, right or wrong, is to be fearlessly honest and authentic about surviving death.

"We Are All Alone"  (Learn How to Pretend) Boz Scaggs