life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

and it's Okay.....

I am not so sure it is okay for the people that know and love me.
All I can tell you for sure is that from the bottom of my heart I am trying. With all that I have and all that I am …… I am trying to figure out how to live.  And the only thing I am sure of is… I am doing it wrong!  There are no manuals, no top ten lists, no creative critiques to let me know if I am even close to doing this right the right way.  I am just fumbling through!
I feel like I am off balance, a huge failure, and unworthy of others valuable time.  In that dangerous vacuum, the doctors slip in.  In my desperate search for normalcy, they appear to have all of the magic answers, and out of fear I allow them too. 
When the reality is… I truly need to embrace that I am worthy, balanced  and intelligent enough to find the right answers…… for me.

 
"Look What You've Done"  Bread

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