life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Positive vs. Negative---Authenticy vs. Vulnerability

I did not get this lesson growing up, I must have been absent that day!  I often wonder if I had had the strength to be myself earlier in life, would this march toward authenticity be such an uphill climb?  One of my favorite authors, Brene’ Brown made the correlation between authenticity and vulnerability and it was an AH-HA moment!  As much as I desperately try to be authentic I was equally determined to NOT allow myself to be vulnerable.  She observed that one cannot exist without the other.  DAMN.  I had emotionally “stacked the deck” for a no-fail result. I could not allow vulnerability to be a part of this.  It would leave me open and defenseless, and that could never be a part of the strong successful life and death I had planned. There has been something that keeps me from really being authentic, being myself, and letting go.  I acknowledge it and I understand it, but the fear still lurks around in every the tiny dark corner of my head and heart. I am afraid vulnerability is the only way through this and it is so scary!
                                  "The Fault in Our Stars" Troye Sivan

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