Most will think this is not a big deal, I never thought about it much before now or maybe never knew how. Most of us assemble our self-worth based on what others think. That is how we were subliminally taught to do it. Making up my own mind about my own value was never ever part of the self-worth equation. The unspoken method of determining my own value was comparing me to others. It was how much money I made and spent, how smart I was, how strong I was, my physical appearance and for me personally, I can add it was how many came to look at, liked and bought the pictures I made. (Before that it was how well my kids behaved, how well I kept house, what kind of car I drove, my job…etc..etc...) Quite frankly you could pick out anything and I would immediately “compare myself” to the rest of the people to determine my own self-worth. I never looked to me or my own thoughts to establish my own value and I suspect there are many who do the same. So, here I am at this stage of my own journey and in some ways, it is the weakest part of my life and other ways the strongest part. I guess the point I am making…is for the first time…really…I am having to figure out my own self-worth without comparing. And…I will not lie… It is not easy. It feels like trying to accurately figure out the size of a room without a ruler. So, if from time to time it looks like I am pushing people away, the reality is I am just trying to figure out who I am, for myself, no comparisons (no rulers)!
"All We Are, We Are" Matt Nathanson
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