life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Saturday, September 15, 2018

It's Always Something!

I do not usually report the day to day medical part of heart failure...But…it has been one hell of a couple of weeks!  However, it is Saturday and I am still here…a little rougher around the edges both emotionally and physically but today it began to feel like I have gotten through this last hic-up and will be moving on without much significant change.  Last Wednesday I was officially medically classified “end stage” and that was an emotional bomb! It is a big ridiculous leap from terminally ill to "end stage" do not ask me why...you will just have to take my word on this one. I mean I knew it was coming but it was still a surprise. With that pronouncement came the prudent medical need to turn off my “safety net” implanted defibrillator.  It was a really easy thing to do physically but a really hard thing to do emotionally…I am truly leaping without a safety net, now.  No sooner did I get those changes under my belt when my body staged an unprovoked revolt and my electrolytes went haywire, which launched another round of those OMG muscle cramps that begin at my little toe and go right up to my armpit. At the risk of sounding melodramatic (which by the way I can do quite well) I will confess I do not know of anyone that has died of muscle cramps, but dear god...after a few of those mothers, you want to.... they are wicked painful! Even after surviving the night, the entire next day it feels like I have been put through a turn of the century washing machine wringer…and it took almost 2 days to get through this one. But it is Saturday....the new meds are on board, the defibrillator deactivation has been without incident and I am still here…I got this sneaky suspicion that from here on out it is going to be the Gilda Radner mantra "If it isn't one thing--it's another!  It's always something!"
"Everyday is a Winding Road" Sheryl Crow

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