life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, July 2, 2017

"a vibrant hope for the excitement of the unknown"

A little Sunday morning religion (or lack thereof). Every now and again someone who really means well, tells me they are praying for me. I smile and thank them but I am never really sure what that means. Does that mean they are praying for me to live longer, or live without pain, or maybe they are praying that when I die I am going to their idea of heaven?  For the most part, I admire their commitment to their faith, other times I am a bit frustrated that they feel that their religion will make me feel better.  The reality is that their faith...only makes them feel better and that is ok if it does.  To be perfectly honest, I am not sure what if any religion I am.  I know I am a believer in the Universe or some kind of undefinable spirituality and I do truly believe that love is now and always will be the unknowable answer. I only hope that that is the unknown that can only be known after death.  I see what I am living through now as just another part of life, a part that most of us are going to experience at some time.  And as far as what happens to me after I die…I do not know. All I can tell you for sure is that I do indeed have a gypsy soul and a vibrant hope for the excitement of the unknown...and I am good with this.  I cannot be afraid of what I do not know...I just hope, like everyone else that it is amazing!
"Closer to Fine" Indigo Girls

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