life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, July 5, 2017

damn "cutesy" quotes

Sometimes I just hate these damn “cutesy” quotes….just like saying them or believing them makes them so. But…. just in case and on the off chance they do work, I think this might be one on the top of my list! Notice that they do not say “do all of these things and you will be loved or famous or authentic or wealthy”. Although I suspect some might think the reason I post all of these things is that I am wise or have come to this truth through experience.  It does say that I could be that magical person.  Really?  Magic?  People have been considered “nuts”, medicated and put away for thinking they were magic.  Being myself is anything but magic and so much harder than these unrealistic quotes make it seem.  Perhaps I should not care what other people think, that is what I teach other creatives to do.  Am I a fraud?  Do I practice what I preach when I tell others, follow your heart, do what feels right and brings you joy and then I hide what hurts me?  I am told,” I do not let people in” that I do not share how I really feel.  And that has been happening since before I was sick.  I would let you in if I could, but I feel like I cannot risk it. I am fairly certain that most people could not endure the anger, the pain and the frustration I hide.  It is not that I do not love or trust others; I just do not have the strength to risk letting anyone too close because I could not bear to risk losing anyone or anything at this stage of my life.  I suspect you like the magical strong person that you think I am….not what I really am….but just in case I am wrong I will keep reading and trying to draw some life and wisdom from these “cutesy quotes”.
"They Know" Eric Bibb

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