life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Saturday, July 8, 2017

and.... I really did not expect that!

Another one of these “easily said” but..... I do love the sentiment! I am reminded every day that I am not getting out of here alive (but neither is anyone else!) …and before anyone says….”I am so sorry” DON’T! In some ways, it is a beautiful daily reminder to be in the moment!
This…whatever is going on at the time may never happen again…is life. I do not want to squander one moment. The every day little things become more precious and important to me. The big things like vacations and celebrations become the memories I get to make for others. OOOOPs…I take some of that back…The museums in NY were definitely for me! But the time has come to let go of the others opinions and embrace the silly, kind and weird of my every day!

I have lit the pretty decorative candles. I buy the “good” wine (not the stuff on sale at the grocery store) although in my defense, sometimes that IS the good wine. I use the “guest towels”. I sleep on the cool satiny soft "company" sheets. I pay for someone to mow the yard, so all I have to do is plant and tend to the flowers. I bought the pretty lacy panties, instead of the heavy duty cotton crotch "last a lifetime cast iron jobs" (that may have been a little TMI) and most of all I find myself saying NO to things I used to feel obligated to do a lot more.

I accept and spend my amazing energy on just the things that are important to me. But the real surprise is….I am amazed at how many things that I felt were daily chores, that I used to really hate doing, have become the glorious, strong, and beautiful stabilizing anchors for everyday life. They have somehow become my measuring stick of how my life is going and I cherish those chores more and more each day…In the kitchen.....I have even tried some recipes that have more than 3 ingredients!  I know… I know...please do not let that one get around, I do have a reputation to protect! It is the everyday little things that have become my big hidden treasures.  And.... I really did not expect that!
"Groovin"  War

1 comment:

  1. I figured this out about 15 years ago when it occurred to me that the best guy to spend my life with would enjoy folding laundry with me as much as doing anything/everything else.
    I still think this is a great "standard" to use to pick out a guy 😁

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