life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


.

.
Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, July 13, 2017

another can of worms....



Learning how to live through failures and disappointments is another can of worms.

I always felt the best way to deal with a failure or disappointment was to put on my big girl panties, never show (or share) any emotion, learn the lesson and move on.  I am learning that divorcing my feelings from my failures may not have been a good thing.  Oh, I will admit that it looked good and you all think I am so strong, I do like that.  Sometimes there is no silver lining, convincing myself that these failures are “lessons” and should be seen as only that without any feelings have not always served me well. I need to learn how to take the time to grieve the loss, admit the mistake, feel the sorrow, and acknowledge the hurt in its simplest form.  For me, that means NOT making up a story that justifies the disappointment or my feelings.

I need to learn how to truly feel and allow the sorrow and grief to move through me without needing to blame someone or myself.  I want to take more and more and more control over how I feel, it is truly the only thing that is mine and mine alone.


 "Same Mistakes" Echo Friendly

No comments:

Post a Comment