life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, January 25, 2015


This really is the proverbial double edged sword!  I think to prevent my own embarrassment, pain and letting others assume what I am and am not capable of,  I just do not say anything.  I have been more open recently to tell others because if they are going to be around me for any length of time, they will figure it out, or think I am a total lazy slug.  My biggest fear is now and always has been, that once they know, they will see me as weaker, and unable to participate in life fully….that is the only thing I want to do right now…participate in life to the fullest extent my body will allow, not what I or others perceive my heart and body can or cannot do! Trapped!

"Secret"  Maroon 5

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