life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, June 14, 2017

MORE of what excites and scares me!

This is the ongoing struggle for me…it seems like most choices on a minute by minute basis boil down to just this.  Behave, be dignified, elegant, honorable, gracious and respectable.  All of those things are considered good things, which in my mind meant that everything else must be bad.  After 23 years of facilitating the Artist’s Way, I still find little jewels embedded in the chapters and this week, the term “either/or thinking” hit me like a brick upside of the head. Because I have never considered myself as having any of those distinguished attributes, I subconsciously assumed I had just the opposite. In short…I was bad…I can “pull off” the good, I know how to do it, but I have to confess, it has not always felt authentic for me!  Seems all of those and more distinguished character qualities were embedded in me by parents, teachers, and religion for the single purpose of acquiring the percieved rewards of having others recognize them and see me as a “good” person.  No one ever asked if that is who or what I wanted to be?   I am not degrading any of those wonderful good characteristics.  I have just decided that I do not have to be either a good person or a bad person.  I am both…some good and some bad and that makes me just a real person.  My intentions are never to hurt anyone and that includes me. Good and bad, I plan to do a lot more of what excites and scares me!
"Ants Marching"  Dave Matthews Band

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