life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, June 25, 2017

"be willing to split open"

Memories and feelings that I hold particularly close will often show up on this page but there are secrets in my heart that are mine and mine alone.  The pictures, poems, and quotes here are always the catalyst that provokes internal exploring and exposing. The advantage of turning over the stuff that scares the shit out of me, creates the tears of revelation and other times bring about eureka moments that make me laugh, is that all of it..... is my way of learning, out loud how I feel. Every single one of them regardless of the topic brings me closer to knowing who, what and why I am.  Maybe I should have been doing this all along in my life, or maybe everyone else knows how to do it without all of this writing, but I didn’t.   Maybe most of us have no idea how to understand who and why we are, and so we never do.  It would be so much less work and infinitely easier to allow parents, friends, family, society, religion, politics, doctors and the worst offender...pain...define who I am and how I should feel.  I suspect the latter is much easier. I have done both…. So, I will continue to write because it is the tool that forces me to think and learn, it is how I figure out how to be me. But there are some memories in my heart that will silently keep and live in their own most cherished way. All of them continue to make me think and learn how to be me.
"The Secret of Life"  James Taylor

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