life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


.

.
Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, June 16, 2017

but.... maybe it is not too late to be who I might have been.

I had pretty much given up on my art “career” when I came off of the art festival circuit.  I guess I had convinced myself that I had to make XX amount of dollars to be considered a successful artist.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought it would be better to be a “retired” artist AKA I have chosen to not be a successful artist, rather than admit I can’t physically do it anymore. The tumbling economy and recession were excellent cover!  I had attached success to money. I did what I teach in my classes.  I decided ahead of time how much money I “needed” and the specific amount of money that would make me” feel successful”. I was so very very excited when I reached that goal and the amazing feeling of accomplishment that comes with it, but I never ever considered what would happen to me when I could not do that anymore.  And in real life that is going to happen to everyone at some point.  So now on the back side of this, I have mustered up the courage to submit work to a new gallery, I do not expect anything…but holy crap just the act of submitting work again to a gallery is so frightening.  In some ways, I feel like I am backing up…returning to where I began but left to pursue a more lucrative path.  That path has ended, but the art and the work are still tugging at my life.  Perhaps it is time to create and submit the work, see this as a new path.  I am certain I will never be what I used to be, but... maybe it is not too late to be who I might have been...or maybe this is all part of my journey and it has a beginning a middle and an end.
"Same Mistake" James Blunt

No comments:

Post a Comment