life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

I am just starting over.....

I am not giving up, I am living!  Today was the day I have been hoping for, wishing for, begging the Universe for!  Today is the day I officially stepped off of the curative-care medical merry-go-round and can finally, finally begin living the best life I can.  No more PET scans, heart caths, echo-cardiograms, stress tests, surgeries, defibrillators, hospitals, cardiologists or endless insurance/doctor billing nightmares.  Today I officially begin palliative care!  Not yet hospice, (got way too much to do before I start that) although this palliative care will fold into it seamlessly when it is time.  Today (well technically Jan.1, 2017) I begin living my amazing life from the place where I can quit emotionally, physically and financially chasing the ridiculous na├»ve goal of curing heart failure.  Today is the day I get to begin living the best life possible with the medical (medicine) help I need!  NOW I stop wasting my energy, my time and my money on the manic struggle of curing the incurable and begin spending all I have, every single bit of it…. on living…playing…loving…and creating!  Today the rest of my amazing wonderful life begins!  I am not giving up….I am starting over with a new goal of having the most remarkable life I can possibly have!
"There She Goes" OrtoPilot

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