life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Sunday, December 11, 2016

Horrible....Wonderful.... Chaos!

Oh my there has been chaos this week!  It is that time of year, and another Insurance company is leaving the state of Florida…if you have been paying attention to my (sorry about that)  grousing  lately, you already know that this is the 3rd year in a row that the company that has covered me has discontinued service in FL and it is a total pain in the ass to find a new company. This year it is even more complicated because none of my current docs or hospitals are on the 3 current companies I can choose from. It has made me consider different alternatives. 

I have received many gifts from the Universe recently, but a priceless visit with Dr. Ihrig  has been the greatest of them all.  As I began doing the research on alternative palliative physicians, the process took on a life of its own. After a routine medical evaluation, all of the sudden I was being, seen by docs, nurses, and a host of other medical people in a rapid fire succession parading in and out of my house, it appears that the Universe does know what I need and when I need it.  As all good things go, when it is right, it all falls into place and I have been moved from the simple palliative care that I wanted to regular hospice. I know….I hate that word! But it is not what it used to be and truly more suited for the help I need, however…. it still makes me shudder…I am assured it no longer means that heinous 6 month prognosis.  My head understands that horrible hospice label, but still my emotions are screaming AUGHHHHHHH!  And there is where the chaos is. But it has been good chaos and it is beginning to settle… as all chaos does. 

Now….there is a new wonderful direction ahead! I do not have to chase doctors any longer, the horrible invasive expensive tests are over,  the nurses come to me,  the business end of this (which by the way is absolutely horrible) is now all taken care of, all covered by my new insurance (thank you Blue Cross)….and now I am free to live and it is going to be amazing!
"Connected" Eric Bibb

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