life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, December 2, 2015

the magnificent practice of letting go....

Blank canvas and ready to begin again, but letting go FIRST!
I learned again, that old habits die hard…

After completing a wonderful and successful large abstract piece, I was anxious to begin another.  It was a spectacular failure!  I am fairly new at abstract painting, and spent some time reading about and studying the process.  Over and over again, regardless of the size, style, medium or artist the one consistent element was that they approached the canvas, let go of preconceived images and allowed the paint to express a feeling.  My first true abstract I was able to do that, it was a marvelous experience….I wanted more! 

And then because I wanted the second painting to be as good, I reverted back to my original “we are all taught to do it” method of painting…make a plan, do a sketch, arrange the composition.  And this work like all other pieces I created in the past….was controlled, I controlled every aspect of it.

Yesterday I planned, I sketched, I controlled the work and the painting was horrible!

This morning I woke up, painted over the image and I am starting again.  Today there will be no sketch, no plan just a free exploration of feelings, a dance with paint and the magnificent practice of letting go.  And that is precisely how I want to live my life from here on out.

                                                                                      "If You Could Read My Mind"  Gordon Lightfoot

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