life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, December 1, 2015

not waiting...

No they cannot break me.  The current medical industry disregards me  Their need to control my personal information, translates into controlling me and my medical decision making.  It puts me in emotional fragile territory and this time keeps my life on “hold” unable to make commitments for  anything, waiting to hear if the ICD is a going to be implanted or not.   I have been struggling with this for the past month. 

At the risk of sounding like a cynical conspiracy theorist, when the test results are not what they expected or contrary to their expectations, they delay and avoid me.  I cannot wait any longer; I do not want to postpone any more life.  I am moving forward…It is my body…It is my life, I want to be living not waiting.
"Arms Around my Life"  Janis Ian

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