life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Independence Day 12-21

Have been feeling pangs of independence…I felt them before the last surgery too.  However this surgery will be nothing like the first.  This one is going to be a cake walk.  Easy deal….in and out of the hospital with just an overnight stay!  I have truly come to hate hospitals, even more than I did before.

It is kind of a double edged sword, having an ICD!  The bad part (at least for me) is that being fiercely emotionally independent, this means my life may be depending on a little battery powered “ hickey “ implanted in my chest.  The good thing is I can be confidently alone and live my life without so much fear about sudden cardiac death.  This appeals to me and scares me at the same time.

This independence thing seems to have taken on a new ferocious meaning since my own ability to financially support myself has been so severely impacted.  Sometimes I feel like I just need to prove to the world and me…that I can do this…My Independence Day is Dec 21st.
"Hammer & Nails"     Indigo Girls   

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