life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Trust the truth

There are times I am certain my heart knows  long before my head is willing to see the truth.  There are other times the exact opposite is true and I am just as certain that my head will see the truth first, long before my heart is willing to accept it.
The one thing both of these scenarios have in common is that when the truth is difficult, I am gifted at ignoring it. I am skilled at not trusting myself.
When it comes to ugly truths, I can hide them, cover them up, pretend it is not happening, lie to others, and myself. I am learning to recognize how and when I do this, but it is always after the fact.
Will I ever be able to see the truth before it creates so much pain?
Will I ever allow myself to trust the truth or is the suspension of truth part of what makes me an artist? (or human?)

"Galileo"  Indigo Girls

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