life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, May 3, 2014


I want to be brave, but my heart and my life need a little help, I am scared and I hate asking.

I need a partner that will help me create the best most amazing life I am capable of having (instead of a long disease).  I do not need someone telling me what I should not do or lessons on how to modify my activities.  I do not need someone that focuses on the negativity of my physical heart by medicating the life out of me now!   I need a doctor that is my partner, that will champion my emotional heart, that encourages my creative heart that appreciates my amazing heart.  The heart that loves, plays, appreciates, and celebrates life.

I need a life partner not a death doctor.

"Brave"  Sara Bareilles
"You can be amazing, You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast, Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love, Or you can start speaking up
Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do, When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight, Sometimes a shadow wins, 
But I wonder what would happen if you? Say what you wanna say, And let the words fall out"
~Sara Bareilles

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