life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, May 27, 2014


Heart failure and pills…what they do not tell you, is that these pills will never make you feel better. I always thought that was the purpose of medicine. All they do is “slow down” the progress of the heart failure while compromising the quality of life now.
They embezzle life!
I am in a different position now. Now the pills.... we hope will stave off a surgical procedure to fix a valve, and the question is….would that procedure do more damage than good. So I take the pills, I struggle with incredible tiredness.  I wonder if I am doing the right thing or am I giving into traditional medical intervention out of fear? Are these latest pills life embezzlers or my salvation?
Trying so hard to see this latest round of medical intervention from a new, positive, hopeful, optimistic light.

"Jagged Little Pill" (you live, you learn)  Alanis Morrisette

I am certain you are tired of reading about my complaints, but if I complain here then I get it out, and no one else has to listen to me whine and grumble. Believe one wants to hear what this feels like.

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