life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Friday, April 25, 2014

Happy, it is my responsibility and I am OK with that...

When moving forward seems impossible, sometimes the only choice may be to look back and try to remember the happy.
somewhere in 80's, somewhere in the Virgin Islands, there was happy
I need to remind myself that there are times when there was lots of happiness, but I also need to remind myself every day, NOT to ever again put my happiness in the hands of someone else regardless of how much love there is.
If I am the only one responsible for my own happiness, then no one can take it from me. If I give someone else the power of making me happy, I also give them the power of taking it from me, making me sad and miserable. It has taken me a long time but I am learning the hard way. I am the only one that has control of making me happy. It does not matter how much time or love or history there is, I cannot risk ever trusting anyone else with my happiness.

This is my responsibility; no one else can do it for me.  My happy will never ever again come from someone else, it only comes from me.  I am ok with that.

"Let it be Me"     The Indigo Girls

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