"NO" is a full sentence.

It is Monday again, and I lit a candle in honor of you and our love, and it gives you a physical presence and less of the horror of the memory of that morning but a real manifestation of the love and light we had. And for the first time ever, in addition to the trauma of that day, I realized how much strength and grace it took to navigate that morning, to do what needed to be done even though it was the most painful thing I have ever experienced.  

I am learning how much strength I do have.  I am also learning that I no longer need to spend my limited resources and emotional strength to struggle through negative situations I cannot change.  I do understand that I need to acknowledge the pain and honor the love.  But I am realizing that when difficult situations arise again, I can say no and with a fraction of the effort I can avoid the overwhelming pain that I know will come. I am at the point in my life that I have loved dearly and long but I also know it can change in a moment.  Forgiving myself is difficult, but once it begins it opens my heart and begins to relieve small parts of the pain. Letting go and forgetting is the hardest part of the pain, but perhaps the most important one. Learning how to say no and refusing to get caught up in the repetitive historical emotional negative loops that I have no control over is new but it is so necessary for me to live the rest of my life in love and peace. I am saying what I need to say and sometimes "NO" (with love)  is a full sentence. 

"Brave"  Sarah Bareilles