life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


.

.

Thursday, June 13, 2019

Nice ?


My entire life being “nice” was the first thing I was taught to be…if I wanted to be liked and/or loved and  I wanted that desperately, I suspect most of us do! My mother walked out of my life when I was 5, in a young child’s mind I had clearly done something terribly wrong! The only way to atone for this was to be nicer.  Honoring myself, having boundaries, being authentic about my life and feelings was NEVER a part of this equation! 

Recently, after several years of masking my own discomfort and struggles so my loved ones were not uncomfortable and saw me as “nice” and well and in no need of their concern, I am at the stage where I can no longer keep up the performance. Forced (and I am a redhead, force
does not go easily) into a space of self-care I cannot guarantee that being nice has happened, but being motivated by love for myself, my own heart is forcing a whole new perspective on how I live and love.

"What I Am"  Eddie Brickel

No comments:

Post a Comment