My entire life being “nice” was the first thing I was taught
to be…if I wanted to be liked and/or loved and
I wanted that desperately, I suspect most of us do! My mother walked out
of my life when I was 5, in a young child’s mind I had clearly done something
terribly wrong! The only way to atone for this was to be nicer. Honoring myself, having boundaries, being
authentic about my life and feelings was NEVER a part of this equation!
Recently, after several years of masking my own discomfort
and struggles so my loved ones were not uncomfortable and saw me as “nice” and
well and in no need of their concern, I am at the stage where I can no longer
keep up the performance. Forced (and I am a redhead, force
does not go
easily) into a space of self-care I cannot guarantee that being nice has
happened, but being motivated by love for myself, my own heart is forcing a whole new perspective on how I live and love.
"What I Am" Eddie Brickel
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