Brought up in a small town in the “genteel” south, the value
of a woman was definitely associated with her ability to stay in her Christian
based “gender” role by “pleasing”…physically, socially and emotionally. The unwritten but well-known rule was that expressing
a different opinion or speaking up for one’s self was asking for disapproval, condemnation
and ostracizing.
Living outside this community (and I suspect it may be the
same for any small community) for well over 45 years now, I had forgotten how prevalent
this was and I was overwhelmingly surprised at how widespread it still is! The
past couple of years it has become unbelievably evident by my own FaceBook experience
how deeply ingrained these antiquated and damaging feminine roles are! I wonder if this is how so much of this dehumanizing destructive Republican right
continues to hold some of its power? Are there some in my generation that still
need to be “pleasing”?
When I post my daily quotes, which I have done since 2010,
my intention was to simply begin my own day by putting something positive out into
the universe. They have always been met with thumbs up and smiles….but recently,
as I have been moved to express some of my respectful and fully researched moral
outrage at the current political horror. I notice that 99% of those posts have been met
by negative and chastising men of my generation (or typically older) from that
very same small southern town that I did most of my growing up in. These responses from long ago acquaintances
that I can barely identify have taken up the mantel of reforming me by name
calling and other negative remarks that are clearly intended to publicly embarrass,
chastise or reprimand me. They are never
intended to share educated differences of opinion or participate in intelligent
statistical evidence or even engage in non-threatening humorous political satire.
For a while, I decided that I could not handle all of the negativity and just
quit posting anything other than my daily quotes. Then I learned how to use the “delete” “unfriend”
and “block” features on FB. My opinions
are valid, I do not expect everyone to agree with them. I am an artist, I am used to it. Not everyone likes what I paint or create, I
do not feel the need to chastise them for not appreciating or buying my work nor
do I allow their opinions to compromise my own creative talent (although sometimes
that part is hard). If you do not agree with my FB political observations, please
feel free to invoke the very same FB tools that I use…” delete”, “unfriend” and
“block” me or even…GOD FORBID…. consider engaging in positive discourse.
As heart failure continues to restrain my physical body, it will
not inhibit or compromise the strength of my thoughts or my voice. I will not allow small minds and rude
comments to handicap me further. I do not waste my time on responses to FB punitive rebukes …. I will keep posting!
However, and happily…In the interest of full disclosure…I do
know there are many intelligent, respectful, wonderful, creative, perceptive men
in this and other small communities, I know some of them and I truly appreciate
you even more than I did before!
"Chain of Fools" Aretha
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