life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Armored up and strong....

Holy Crap…REALLY?  This continues to be the most difficult thing for me to do.  I was raised to believe that emotional weakness was one of the worst characteristics anyone could have.  If you were a woman you were allowed a very small amount of tolerable emotion, but there was a definite limit.  I was “trained” be the strong one, never show emotion, or let anyone see your weakness. I grew up in an incredibly dysfunctional family, and to just survive was truly grueling but it may have been the one thing that saved me.  It was an incredible unintentional strength and armor builder!

This vulnerable thing turns out to be one of my many major flaws and one I have consistently been aware of and working on.  I have read and studied this ad nauseam.  The single one consistent issue all of the experts seem to agree on is that “the only answer is recklessly discard more armor” or the emotional equivalent.  I have tried, and tried and tried.  Every time I open up, let it out, let it in…it all but destroys me emotionally.  And so I continue to remain armored up and strong.
"All That We Let In"  Indigo Girls

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