life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

I am the only one with the key!

I spend great swaths of time building emotional prisons and then attempting to escape the confinements that I build for myself. The fact that I have actively participated in building them would lead most people to believe that getting out of them would be easy.

But NO!

 I build what I believe is the emotional “happy” place with absolutely no escape hatch! I catch myself time and time again choosing, to hand over my own ability to achieve happiness to others. Wanting desperately for someone else to do it for me, or at least help me build the high walls to keep the pain out. The reality is that it is me…it has to be only me….I am the only one with the key!


"You're the Only Thing in Your Way"  Cloud Cult

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