life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Divine Paradox

I love what I have with all of my heart, but it is quite exhausting! I wonder…will I be ready for more tomorrow and the next day and the next. This is precisely the paradox and the kind of thinking that provides all of the energy I need for today. Just in case tomorrow sucks, I try to put everything I have into today. One of the biggest changes of thinking I have had to do, is realize that it does NOT GET ANY BETTER than it is today. I have been taught all of my life to plan ahead, set goals, strive to be better than I am today.
No one ever taught me how to be the best I could be for just today.
I am working on it!


"One Hand in My Pocket"  Alanis Morisette
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chickenshit And what it all boils down to Is that no one's really got it figured out just yet...'cause I've got one hand in my pocket

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