life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

This is it.....

This is the advice I give others on a regular basis….perhaps it is time for me to take another gulp of it myself.  

I seem to wave back and forth from conservative, behaved, do exactly what I am supposed to do (which kind of comes with taking a shit load of medicine at prescribed times) and longing for the bohemian life I used to have (and by the way, never really appreciated). I seem to be living on the edge of fear, rules, and expected behavior always afraid I am going to slip into it.  I do not mean actually fighting the disease, it is pretty amazing all of the machines and medicines I have available to me for that.  The real struggle is to keep my head out of the “I am sick” mentality.  I see others dealing with terminal disease and they seem to be willingly drowning in it.  They let their illness take over their lives.  It is easy to focus on what is wrong, spending precious time, energy and financial resources to try to stop something that is going to happen to every single one of us.  There are absolutely no exceptions.

I am listening to every little whisper; celebrating life…it takes the same amount of energy as fighting the disease, but is so much more fun and I do not want to waste any of it!  This is the magic of life…I am listening…this is it!
"She Just Wants to Dance"  Keb Mo

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