life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, February 1, 2015

The tough decision to let it go.

Mentally, emotionally and spiritually…letting go of a life time of expectations, real or imagined is much harder than I thought. On some level it feels like playing Jenga. If I pull out one block of “hard and fast” beliefs,  it impacts unexpected and unrelated beliefs or all of it falls apart and comes crashing down. Sometimes it does all crash down. On those days, my first reaction is to run back to all of my old rules and beliefs, they will guarantee I am right or protect me.  Ugly fears and the overwhelming need to be loved and liked screams at me and I think maybe I should hold on to some of it.  That is when I realize returning to the same rules, feelings and situations have produced a lifetime of fear resentments and unrealistic needs..

I have to make the tough decision to let it go.
"They"  Jem

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