life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Monday, January 18, 2016

That’s it… 3 parts of being happy!

I cannot guarantee this will work for everyone, but it works for me. I wonder if everyone already knew this and I am the last one to figure it out.... or people really do not care to understand it.... or I just plain think too much!

Blame nobody…..It is so much easier to blame someone else for the failures in my life.  I do not think that idea needs any further explanation.  I do not want to fail or screw up or look bad, it would be so much easier if it was someone else’s fault.  Cannot blame a girl for trying to push my screw ups off on some else, but for the most part I just need to stand up and “fade the heat”.
Expect nothing…I have spent a life time expecting and every time I did, without fail I have been disappointed (and that is a shit load of disappointment!)  My love and life have been compromised by my expectations of others and their expectations of me.  If there are no expectations, there can be no failures.  I am not certain what people expect of me, but as a woman, wife , mother, sister, aunt, nana, friend I have not lived up to my own expectations of myself, much less anyone else’s.  It maybe time to quit expecting and begin living, laughing, loving without expectations or restrictions.
Do something…even if it is wrong, I am learning the absolute worst thing I can do is... nothing, even when I was healing and it was necessary to be still, not doing anything was detrimental to me.  Not moving, not doing, not proceeding with life causes great deep swaths of damage in my heart, soul and body.  It is good to think, even if I think too much (I am constantly accused of this) but for me, it has to be balanced with doing.  There is a divine balance between thinking and doing.
That’s  it… 3 parts of being happy!

"If it Makes You Happy"   Sheryl Crow


  1. Great post! Expecting nothing and how it prevents dissapointment is how I see one of the core premises in my study of Buddhism.

  2. Great post! Expecting nothing and how it prevents dissapointment is how I see one of the core premises in my study of Buddhism.