life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Pee on it and walk away....

Today had all kinds of possibilities of going down the toilet, and every single one of them came to fruition.  Communication with the doctors has been difficult and today’s office visit I began to understand why.  October test results seem to be saying there has been little or no improvement in my heart.  The day before surgery my ejection fraction was 30% (which by the way was up naturally almost 5% points from the previous April echocardiogram results).  The second echo done on Oct 13th 2 months post op echo said 31%.  No wonder they have been so quiet about my test results ….clearly they suck!

The new tests were scheduled weeks in advance to give my heart more time for that revascularized hibernating tissue begin to function.

And now I am afraid, that all that risk, all the pain, and all the money may have been in vain.  
Exhausted, and sick and tired of doctors, tests, medical bills, and medicines. 
I just want to “pee on it and walk away”!
"Ooooo Child"   Beth Orton

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