life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

A new life plan is NOT giving up...

This one bites and it bites hard because I recognize me.  All of this time I thought I had no life plan, when the reality is….I think I did, but was too chicken to admit it to anyone. An adored creative that facilitates creative successes in others as well as a phenomenal artist in my own right, was a pretty spectacular life plan, and it appears that I am totally attached to it, even though I thought it too self-serving to admit it out loud. The fact is I have known for some time I needed to make another plan, but for reasons that are both admirable and downright stupid I have hung on to the “I can beat this” mentality.  The just hang on… keep pushing… be strong… don’t let anyone see you weak or in pain and other sappy Hallmark Card sentiments are just that…..sappy sentiments written by people that have no idea what this is about.  The reality is there are things in my life now and in the future that I cannot change ….I have got to able to recognize and change my life plan to incorporate this reality.  A new life plan is NOT giving up or giving in or an admission of weakness and/or failure….
"All Star"  OrtoPilot

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