life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Saturday, November 7, 2015

The BIG GIRL PANTY CODE....None of that Sissy CRAP!

It seems like in today’s world that any time there is a serious medical problem, it requires multiple doctors.  Oh how I long for the ONE DOC days!  I feel like I have to deal with a cast of thousands for my one poor heart.  Yesterday I saw my most favored cardiologist a young, smart, intelligent, personable and sensitive woman.  I know that is almost an oxymoron…. a sensitive cardiologist, but I have one!  The rest of them, electrophysiologist, surgeons,  PA's etc. are all pretty much compassionless boobs!  

My wonderful cardiologist and I talked frankly about what this new and disappointing set of cardiac circumstances are and what it means for me and my life.  Although the surgery did not work and the hibernating tissue has not recovered any function, the additional blood flow has reduced the amount of angina I have.  And for that alone I am so grateful, not having so much pain in my day to day life is a great gift!   Although I wanted desperately to get both quantity and quality from the surgery, if I had to make a choice of one or the other I am  pleased that for now the quality of my life will be better.

I have officially been given the OK to do anything I feel like doing and my body will allow me to do, with a finger wagging warning about not over doing!  It is less than I hoped for, but I am learning how to celebrate and be happy with everything I have received.

Mother, you sent this too me just at the perfect time! 

"The Heart of Life"  John Mayer

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