life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Monday, January 13, 2014

I Crave a Different Kind of Buzz

My question is just how many times or how badly do I have to be broken before I get to be whole. I mean really really whole.  And what the hell defines a whole person, anyway?  I suspect “whole” is a fairy tale.  One of those happy platitudes we all bow to and never achieve.  I promise, there has never been a time, at any point of my life, that I willing let myself be broken.  I went down kicking and screaming every single time.  Why can’t I be broken and whole at the same time?  I want a different kind of buzz…Let me live that fantasy.
 "Royals" Lorde

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