life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, January 13, 2014

I Crave a Different Kind of Buzz


My question is just how many times or how badly do I have to be broken before I get to be whole. I mean really really whole.  And what the hell defines a whole person, anyway?  I suspect “whole” is a fairy tale.  One of those happy platitudes we all bow to and never achieve.  I promise, there has never been a time, at any point of my life, that I willing let myself be broken.  I went down kicking and screaming every single time.  Why can’t I be broken and whole at the same time?  I want a different kind of buzz…Let me live that fantasy.
                       
 "Royals" Lorde

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