life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Sunday, June 3, 2012

Pay No Attention to the Woman Behind the Curtain

The other night among creative friends, we played an interesting card game.  It was more than a game and I have heard people talk about these kinds of cards, but never really felt compelled to participate in that kind of “tarot” like fortune telling.  As we went around the circle drawing cards and then reading and discussing the interpretation, I was absolutely astounded in how accurate the cards and the explanations seemed to be.
It was my turn, and I drew a right side up wolf.   The interpretation was a teacher, a teacher?  I thought that was interesting, but not so sure it was correct.  The truth is I do something that looks like teaching, but I never saw it as that.  For the most part I use Julia Cameron’s description of what I do, “facilitator”.  Facilitator made so much more sense.  I cannot teach anyone how to be creative, they already know .  I gently and safely facilitate their journey to the path of their own creativity and happiness.  I only help them see what is already there.  For the most part I feel like once a year we all go on a journey to the Wizard of OZ, where at the end Dorothy finds out all she had to do was click her heels and speak out loud what she wanted.  The power was within her all along.
Throughout the summer, new creatives will often compliment and thank me for what I do. Although I truly appreciate the accolades, my first reaction is like the exposed wizard in the movie hiding behind the curtain.  We are both desperately manipulating levers, and buttons frantically searching for the magic combination that will produce a big “ta-da” moment in life,  while sternly announcing,  “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain”.
The wolf card says I am a teacher…
Julia Cameron calls it a facilitator;
I  just call it a creative.
I have the same fears and am just as scared as everyone else in class.  The only difference is I expose my fear and failures so others will see the grief and the joy of being an artist.  When I fail, when I succeed, it will give others the courage to do the same,
I just do it out loud.
Pay no attention to the woman-teacher-facilitaror behind the curtain!
But watch the creative!

As the creative is carefully watching for her own teachers, past and present that will take her to that place in the world where  she is suppose to be.

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