Rings...

Rings...Mine were not perfect and sometimes lost  ... but always without a beginning and without an end.

Over the years, besides my wedding/engagement ring there were 2 more rings that I wear that are truly significant to Skip and I but that is another story.  I had misplaced ...lost my wedding /engagement ring several years ago.  When they implanted the SCID defibrillator in my chest I could not wear metal during the surgery or for several days afterward., and then again at some of the monthly recalibration sessions in the cardiologist's office.  I always left my other rings in Nana’s antique teacups in the china cabinet, but afraid to forget or lose my engagement/wedding rings I but them away in a “special” place that I would not lose.  It was such a good special place that I forgot where it was...and that seems to happen a lot more recently.  Over the years although I worried and wondered where they were, always afraid they had accidentally been really lost, but always reassured myself they would turn up.

There has been a new and rising need to find them since Skip died.  I wanted desperately to have that feeling of a new love and the ignorant excitement about beginning a life together at 21 and 23 years old.  I cannot explain right now exactly how or why, but Skip is still in the home that we spent together for 41+ years together.   He does not talk to me with words, nor do I see him. With my eyes, but I “feel” him.  He is everywhere.  The house is full of him, in the furniture we built together, the tiles we laid, walls we painted, doors installed and on and on and on….it is as strong and as close to tangible as I have ever known.

Yesterday, after working all day, cleaning the clothes out of his closet and chest of drawers for the charity truck to pick up, my fingers swelled (per normal) and I moved my rings to smaller fingers before they got stuck.  As soon as my empty ring finger was “naked” he showed me where our wedding/engagement rings were. ...and that is exactly where they were. This part of us is back on my hand….and although there was a definite beginning and lots of stutters and screw-ups, we will have no end.  And that sparkle that catches my eye reminds me of your smile.

"Ghost" Indigo Girls