life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure. I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"


.

.

Monday, September 16, 2019

i got this...nope


…that is what I tell myself at least 14 times a day, and sometimes more.  I think it is a variation of the “fake it until you make it” scenario…and now that I really have to do it…it is feeling like a bunch of BULL shit…but there are some things that just have to be done.  Weekends are the worst, I guess that is the time that you would be here all day.  During the week I can fool myself that you are just at work and will call at 4:00 pm, like you always did.  I struggle through nights, weekends, and then I am met every Monday by the horrible memories of that last day.  I wonder if you know that I would give my own life just to have a few more moments with you. I still cry inconsolably several times a day, I still cannot believe this happened…I cannot accept that you are truly gone…and I still have to lie to myself 14 times a day…”I got this” and  I wonder, will this ever really stop?
"Here, There and Everywhere" The Beatles

No comments:

Post a Comment