life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Wednesday, February 17, 2016


The part I hate worst about this… my body’s inability to tolerate “real life”.  It is not that I go full tilt a whole lot, but every now and again, it is a good thing!  It seems that my body is railing against even the “every now and again”!  And I hate it!  Granted…..a 3 night big art opening is a bit excessive, but I was home every night before 11, limiting my drinks to 1 each evening, and perhaps one night of serious misbehaving.  But is it fair that that adds up to diminished kidney function and pneumonia?  How am I supposed to know what my limits are?  I felt great while I was misbehaving!  And here is the big question I have to ask myself (and answer) if I knew what the limits were and I still wanted to do “it” bad enough, would I?  It is one thing to take care of myself, but when does that cross the boundary line and the illness takes over the joy and fun of my life?  That boundary line is sneaky…
The big question is….if I got to do it all over again.... differently..... would I?     NOPE…..
"There are Places I Remember"  The Beatles

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