life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Damn...that vulnerable thing.....again....

It is that vulnerable thing…it keeps showing up!
I know it is there, but it is such a problem for me! A problem I never seem to be able to resolve.

I know vulnerability is the way to true authenticity.  I have read and studied enough of this to understand why it works, and it does make sense.  But oh my, to lay myself open, open for all to see and judge, I do not think I am strong enough.  And then I often wonder…is this what my art is about.  My feelings, my thoughts, my loves, my hates right out in the open, in the language of pictures, that most people cannot understand?  Is it my way of exposing my vulnerabilities without having to reveal or defend my feelings to others?  I feel like I am cheating vulnerability!  I am completely open but in a visual language that few understand.  Yes…I am cheating… vulnerable to myself  but not open to others?  Does this count as vulnerability?
"Beautiful World"  Colin Hay

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