life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Monday, June 23, 2014

What a fool I have been!



OK… so I am not 65 or 75 but….I got some other issues that certainly helped me relate.  Although I never got even remotely close to perfect, I now look back on my life and see how much of my life and energy I wasted on trying to get there or trying to make the rest of the world think, I already had it.  I squandered time, money, my children, energy, talent, life, (and this list can go on and on and on) doing what other people expected, very rarely asking  is this what I wanted.  Now that I am getting closer to my end, I find myself desperately wanting to make up for lost time.  Going out of my way to have experiences I have denied myself.  Maybe I am over doing, maybe not. Maybe somewhere in here I will find the balance. 

When the author said it will break your heart…It will… it does, and it did… I let it break my heart…What a fool I have been!
"Chain of Fools"  Aretha Franklin

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