life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Sunday, June 22, 2014

“Well behaved women, rarely make history.”

“Well behaved women, rarely make history.” ~Marilyn Monroe 
I just bought this ring with that saying etched in the metal. It is huge, obnoxious and on some level compliments the “no fear” tattoo on my foot except maybe it is more encouragement to act rather than react. Time to be brave, push harder, reach further, make the most of and appreciate every moment and my life, even when others won’t or don’t know how to. I am finally figuring it out.
 There is no heaven, hell or happily ever after. They are all fairy tales, there is no such thing in reality. So….I can wallow in pathetic reality or launch like a fool into life creating a new adventure and another dream. I do not really care if you think I am nuts or do not understand it!      It is.... after all my reality! 

"Closer to Fine"  Indigo Girl

I'm trying to tell you something about my life, Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me, Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable, And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket, I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains, I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive The closer I am to fine.

I went to see the doctor of philosophy  With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie, He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper, And I was free.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains, I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive The closer I am to fine.
  
I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m. To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board , twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive The closer I am to fine.

We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine      ~Indigo Girls


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