life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Let it go...

I suspect a good healthy dose of fear is the best way to wake me up to my life. 

After spending so much of my life trying to avoid it, pretending it is not there I am beginning to finally recognize that instead of hurting and making me feel afraid, fear can in fact be one of my greatest teachers. But make no mistake about it, fear is not a gentle teacher.  

Fear targets my most vulnerable place. My first knee jerk reaction is to protect myself by striking back, ignoring, feeling sorry for myself or taking on any emotional position that protects me.

I need to remember every day, every day to allow the fear to penetrate my soul, examine it, expose the lesson it has come to teach me and then…

Let it go.

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