life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Afraid of Failure

I wonder how much depression I endure simply because I am afraid of failure.

My unconscious plan to protect myself from failure was wonderfully simple.
Do not attempt normal (pre heart attack) life!
It was a sure bet, if I did not attempt it, I could not fail!

Unfortunately, my unconscious effort to thwart failure,
guaranteed I would not succeed either.
The more I resisted failure the more depressed I became.
The more depressed I became the more I resisted failure.

What if… the lack of success (not the lack of failure) enables depression?

What if… failure is the only way to produce those sweet sweet successes?

No comments:

Post a Comment