life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....

I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this raunchy disease. My words always help me understand that in this life there will be times that are crappy painful and unexpected but tucked in there are the amazingly wonderful, too. That is when I realized the only control I have over any of this is how I chose to experience them! I realized that I could understand, celebrate can survive even better when I could express these feelings with my own words of courage, humor, and grace. I am the Queen of my own life and the choice is mine!

I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to grieve my losses, to laugh long and hard, and to learn how to live a full magnificent life with heart failure.

I am honoring my creativity, and exploring all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say....."Don't talk like that!"



Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Afraid of Failure

I wonder how much depression I endure simply because I am afraid of failure.

My unconscious plan to protect myself from failure was wonderfully simple.
Do not attempt normal (pre heart attack) life!
It was a sure bet, if I did not attempt it, I could not fail!

Unfortunately, my unconscious effort to thwart failure,
guaranteed I would not succeed either.
The more I resisted failure the more depressed I became.
The more depressed I became the more I resisted failure.

What if… the lack of success (not the lack of failure) enables depression?

What if… failure is the only way to produce those sweet sweet successes?

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