life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, August 17, 2017

so others will think....

Taking care of myself is a difficult concept for me.  I was infused with the “good mother, good wife, good woman” always puts others first mentality.  So every time I feel like I need to do or not do something just for me, I feel guilty.  

I understand intellectually why I feel like this, but emotionally it still makes me feel horribly selfish.  I feel guilty asking for help or saying no, but I am in a place where I just do not have the resilience, the patience, the strength to be that strong anymore.  I keep pushing myself to the edges of my emotional and physical abilities.

Where is the line between giving and selfishness?  Do I keep pushing and giving until there is nothing left of me.... so others think I am a good person? 

"Better Off Now" Trent Dobbs

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