life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

life, love,art. heart failure and assorted ramblings

Don't Talk Like That...

I write to find out what my heart thinks....
I write to expose and work through the ugly parts of this disease, open heart surgery that was less than successful and more recently an S-ICD (internal cardiac defibrillator) implanted in my chest that will hopefully restore my heart beat in case of sudden cardiac death. I am here to celebrate my life, to uncover my fears, to hold on to love, to learn how to live a full life with heart failure, to honor my creativity, and to explore all of my emotions out loud ...before anyone can say
"Don't talk like that!"


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Music is loading really slow lately...sorry...

Thursday, August 17, 2017

so others will think....

Taking care of myself is a difficult concept for me.  I was infused with the “good mother, good wife, good woman” always puts others first mentality.  So every time I feel like I need to do or not do something just for me, I feel guilty.  

I understand intellectually why I feel like this, but emotionally it still makes me feel horribly selfish.  I feel guilty asking for help or saying no, but I am in a place where I just do not have the resilience, the patience, the strength to be that strong anymore.  I keep pushing myself to the edges of my emotional and physical abilities.

Where is the line between giving and selfishness?  Do I keep pushing and giving until there is nothing left of me.... so others think I am a good person? 

"Better Off Now" Trent Dobbs

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